i need some advice on being a dad from a dad !

Ok, This is going to be weird for me ! but here goes. i have 2 kids with my ex i am not with anymore i don't get to see them very much, even though we live in the same town. i miss my kids so much but my ex is such a bit%h i can't stand it we went to court a couple years ago and got child support set up on one child .. and i really tried to be with her and work it out for the babys sake we coudn't. and i moved out i sill vistied her for the baby and sure enugh we had another child this time things were different all the way up till she had the baby then she flipped back in to her old self. now my youngest is 4 and my oldest is 8, and it is hard on me i see them once a month even though we went to court for child support and the arrangment is every other weekend .!! bah bah bah ! i am skipping this beacuse its not very intersting anyways . i am married now and we are talking about having childeren now ! i am excited but here inlays the problem i want to move out of this god forsake state but my kids are here ! so i feel like i can't leave them ! and i don't know what to do ! and the only reason i am asking on here is well i never really had a dad growing up. and i really really respect alot of you guys on this board even though we have never met ! i just don't know what to do what is right anything .. i am starting to lose sleep over it now ! i have talked to my wife and she understands but i feel really bad beacuse she has to be number 2 in my life and that sucks !  i just want to be with my kids and help raise them right . here is where i am going to get flamed ! i have a hard time watching tv or reading anything that has to dowith kids with out missing the crap out of my kids .. i would run to mexico with them and live out a happy life but i don;t haev enough money to do that ! right now i barley have enough to pay bills after child support and taxes ! so getting a laywer is not happing i haev been saving for 2 years to get one and all i got is 300 and the cheapest lawyer told me a min of 5 grand to start the court stuff upfront ! so i am sol .. i am so besides myself rigt now . i need soe advice please anything hell i will even take go jump in a lake losser  at this point !

and before somebody says it to me i know i need to go back to school to learn about paragraphs ! and punaction (sp) and probel spelling

i would hope your wife WOULD understand that you're kids are #1 and she's #2. you're kids.....YOU'RE kids should ALWAYS BE #1 in you're life.

Ditto. Children are the future. They should be placed as priority. I can't really give you any advice because I would hate for it to go wrong, or it be taken the wrong way. I'm glad you want to do the right thing for your kids though. 

  Well, you'll get a thousand answers to this but heres my take.   Be with your kids as much as you can, never pass an oppurtunity to spend time with them.  Never miss a chance to send them a card for any holiday, let them know they are in your thoughts at every moment.  As they age, help them understand that although things didn't work out for you and their mom, you still love them and that your old relastionship doesn't affect how you love them.  Be there for them in every respect.  Also, and this is very important, and also hard to do, GET ALONG WITH THEIR MOTHER!!   Yea it sucks, but thats the difference in nice, pleasant meetings and get-togethers, more time with your kids, and fighting to see them, money, cops, court so on......Yoy two don't have to agree on anything other than that your children are important to both of you and you both want what is best for them and also that you both have the right and the need to see them and have quality moments.   She might be a total C U Next Tuesday, but if you can't get along and keep things agreeable, then the road gets a hell of allot bumpier.  Your divorce decree should easily state what your rights are, and you should use them.  As for having children again.  I'd think that youd be extra special carefull and sure of things this go-round, but thats up to you.   As for your kids with the Ex, see them as much as possible, even if your broke, youd be suprised what kids will remember as quality moments.   That multi-thousand dollar trip to disneyland might not be as good as an afternoon of playing ball, watching them draw a picture, or teaching them something.   My kids remember the little things, like taking them fishing, teaching them how to shoot, playing ball, a game of freeze tag, the expensive things hardly get mentioned, their minds are more pure as kids, they want you, not your money. (for now anyway, lol)
 By the way, did you get that wind-screen trim yet?  I sent it earlier in the week?

"go jump in the Lake", im just messin with yah man. it really sucks that u only get to c them once a month. why is that even though it is supposed to be everyother week? is it your sched or the ex just being f'ed up? wut god foresaken state do you live in?

first i was never married to her thank god  ! and the god forsaken state is az ~ ! its too fing hot here! and nothing to do .. i mean i can ride all year but i like to hunt, fish, enjoy grass and water none of that is here in az ! !i try to spend as much time as i can with them. when ever i have them i do stuff with them childerens museum , desert museum, old tucson crap like that besides stuff like bbq and swimming and just hanging out togther. i just miss them so so so much. please keep this going with ideals guys belive it or not its helping   ! thanks  agian guys !
 
 
and shocktroop nothing yet but i am sure its sitting in the apt office ! i will check in the morning !

If the arrangement is every other weekend, shouldn't you  have them twice a week? I think its illegal for her to deny you court appointed visitation. You could also go to court for more custody or something. Not a parent but I watched alot of Judging Amy crap last month.

talk to ur baby mother and try to come to an agreement, start wit her so u can make things right between urselfs so she doesnt have so much hatered towards u and vise versa. the better u are wit ur baby mama the more time u will get wit ur kids. use things like "can i come pick my babies up so u can have a lil break from the kids" just try to work somethin out cuz i know how it fells i will have only seen my son and daughter 2 weeks in between oct 2006 and jan 2008. i hate the fact that i cant see them (6000 miles away) but im dealin wit it. i hope things get better for u. a father doesnt need advice just learn as u go

The cornerstone of my recent divorce decree was the visitation schedule. I'm entitled to "half" of my Son's custody. I took a huge calender, and divided the year up. Works out so He's with me every weekend, most holidays, and June-July consecutive. Every year until He's 18. If His Mom moves, I'll follow them. My boy knows I'm there for Him and when we're together He feels loved and nurtured. I didn't (don't) get that paternally and I can say from my experience that there is no substitute. I commend your bravery in posting sensitive personal information, as it gave me the nerve to post this. Good relations with other parent also paramount to child's allover well-being. I "eat crow" every time I talk to Momma, with His welfare as the priority, not my issues with a woman who has actually called the Lincoln Co. Sherrif out to check His "Health and welfare". Luckily I've always had the best of contacts with Law Enforcement.  Never let child feel bad relations are their fault. It's only my experience, but those are the bad things that effed me up so I effed things up. I feel I've matured more rapidly since my "Boo-Boo" came onto the planet. For me, being an excellent Father is like being an excellent motorcyclist ; It's not something you can be, it's something you are as a result of countless little choices, which lead to variable actions and perceptions, which then produces that "atmosphere" which cannot exactly be put into words. Everything's gonna be okay, brother.

sounds like you are a trying to be the best dad you can and one day the children will relize it (if they do not already).  if your the outdoors type maybe you should look into texas, i never lived there but ino a lot of good things going for that state, affordable housing, hunting everywhere (progun state is always a plus). not to far from az either for a trip over to c the kids. only a state away... food for thought.

well, dont ever do to your kids what you wouldn't do to yourself.  your kids are you

Mk,
  There is a lot of wisdom in these posts that I am reading.  Raven, very nice words of encouragement.  I have three children.  Two from my first marriage, and one that came from my very first rebound sexual experience after my marriage disolved.  Both of these mothers live in the same town as me (sounds like I play the banjo and make people squeel like a pig, doesn't it).  It has taken years, but I have learned to deal with them to a point of friendship.  At some point I realized that every distraction is time away from my kids...that is history that I am missing out on.  You should stay near the kids because you will miss so much that you can never get back.  When you are on your death bed, it is time with friends and loved ones that you will treasure.  It is time with your family that will be a reward for a good life.  Love those babies like your life depended on it...because it does.  Good luck, bro!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Raven
For me, being an excellent Father is like being an excellent motorcyclist ; It's not something you can be, it's something you are as a result of countless little choices, which lead to variable actions and perceptions, which then produces that "atmosphere" which cannot exactly be put into words. Everything's gonna be okay, brother.

+ infinity man, that was a dang good post/read.  I have quoted what i thought was the best part of your post, i can tell that you put alot of thought into it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Raven
Everything's gonna be okay, brother.

^^^that post is one of the reasons im glad to be a fellow enthusiast and a member of this board, we are in some ways like one big family on here.  Everyone willing to help out each other weither it be wrench time,advice, experience, or just regular everyday troubles in our life where we need to vent you can always find an open ear here.  I've meet alot of cool ppl on here : Blackwidow_600= ive helped him work on his bike and hes helped me work on the wifes, came over for dinner last night, becoming a good friend to have.  txridder: ridden with him once, talked to him some and currently trying to help him get his bike back together by locating parts, etc. Bornlukee13: rode with him once, great guy came all the way down from Killen to ride and offered to help out with the 900/ said if i needed work done he has a garage and tools, point im trying to make is you dont mmet people like this anywhere else, this is a close knit community with everyone willing to help each other out.
Sorry didnt mean to thread jack or make this post so long.

I got two boys and if any woman ever wanted to be #1 in my life i'd tell her to go pound salt, and that includes my wife (the kids' mom)
 
It's up to you on the final decision. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. If you move, make sure you take them for several weeks at a time or during summers. Since you seem to have a woman, she should understand and help you get a better lawyer. There are plenty of women's groups that pay for lawyers for the ladies, so I'm sure there has to be a group somewhere that can advise for the guys who are in these situations. Most judges automatically side with the woman, but slowly the times are changing. In the case of the visitation, ou may be able to file the documenst yourself. Some support groups may be able to help.
 
If she is really keeping them from you and you are paying your support, (the two are seperate though) she can be held in contempt of court. This could be good because you could get more visitation. In any event, I would make notes of every single conversation you have and all the days you are supposed to get the kids but don't. It's also not good if you miss days either, so make sure you are the better person.
 
Last, while I love being with my boys I undestand they would be better off with their mom if we ever got seperated. I would rather get along and take them whenever I can rather than wage a war and have them get caught in the middle. If I had to move, I'm sure they would understand and they would also be able to come for visits whenever they wanted.
 
Good luck with your decision. It's a tough one, but you need to do what will help make you happy and better off. Who knows, maybe you'll do so well, you and your new woman could get custody some day.

yes kids are #1, and it will always be that way, but your new lady friend doesnt need to feel like "number 2" she with you, and she is important to you. shes not just second fiddle she is very important. BUT yes kids are the most important. always be there for them however you can. its not about the amount of MONEY you can spend on them its about the amount of QUALITY TIME. you can spend on them. kids know when they are loved. treat them right and always let them know how much you love em.